THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

If you look at Prophet Muhammad saw’s life, you’ll see how he relentlessly handles every situation with calmness and full of wisdom. Now I know we may not come close to his exceptional character but we can certainly cultivate some of the most fundamental aspects of it.

Let’s get started! How to be a more calm, cool and collected Muslimah.

1. Always put your trust in Allah

A person who always puts their affairs in Allah’s hands will not be stressed out on the perfect outcome of every situation. They will do their best and leave it to Allah to do His magic – so to speak. 😀

Of course, you have to do your best on your part – come up with the best plan and take the necessary actions to make your plan fall into place but if Allah does not want to give you that particular outcome that you’re wishing for, you’re never going to get it.

So, relax. After you’ve done your part, trust in Allah that He will provide you with the best outcome in every situation.

Part of trusting Allah is also having good beliefs about Him. Allah told us in the Quran that He is the Most Merciful and Gracious to His servants. In other words, He WANTS what’s best for us. But sometimes the best things for us are not apparent to us but are clear to Allah alone.

So in that regard, we should always put our trust in Him and make dua that He gives us what’s best for us. The best outcome for us is anything that pulls us closer towards the pleasure of our Creator. 🙂

2. Gradually eliminate everything that is stressing you out in your life

Before starting this blog, I use to be a Mandarin teacher. Yes, I’m a Malay who can speak Chinese because I go to a Chinese school ever since my first day of school. Yayy!

Despite loving the job and having fun every day, I can’t stop my brain from being overwhelmed all the time. In some ways, I can’t find the time and space to relax. There’s always another deadline to follow through, another class to be a clown in, another class activity to come up with, etc. I have to admit it was pretty taxing.

And the perfectionist side of me did not help at all. I’d always want my students to get the best results, have the most fun in class and just get the best out of me, or else I’ll feel guilty for not providing the best when I know I’m capable of giving more.

This resulted in me being totally overwhelmed and fatigued. I just couldn’t stop myself to the point that it’s kind of traumatizing when I think back on the teaching days. This is sad but it’s the truth.

Anyway, maybe I’m not meant to be a teacher haha.

So, let’s take the lesson here.

The moment I quit my job and know there are no more deadlines or performance classes to follow through, I felt this surge of relief and freedom I can’t quite describe. Having your own time to do whatever you like, to not have to answer to anyone and there’s no right or wrong in the work that you’re doing. I’m in bliss haha alhamdulillah.

So, what is that thing that’s stressing you out? Is it your job too? Is it someone in your life? Get that person out of your life because your health depends on it.

When you’ve taken out or at least stay away from everything that stresses you, you’ll be able to control yourself better and have more peace every day.

3. Surround yourself with loving and kind people.

If you have a loving family, they’re the best people to hang around with! If you don’t which is fine, you can always find Muslim communities in your area or join a club that suits your interest ie. a book club, sports club etc.

Surrounding yourself with positive people who want the best for you is more uplifting than anything. They can give you advice based on their experiences, they’ll give you encouragement when you need to improve yourself, they’ll essentially do anything to help you be the best version of yourself.

I have a Muslim sisters circle where we meet up every week to review our learnings on the Quran, Hadith and just catch up on each other’s lives. This is such a blessing because I no longer feel alone trying to navigate through life. We are social beings by nature. We can’t deprive ourselves from people’s love and support.

So, try to get yourself one of these and get more social! 🙂

4. Make dua and imagine yourself being that calm, cool and collected person

Duas are amazing! I’m a BIG fan of duas because almost every dua I’ve ever made did come true in one way or another. That is why I’m super grateful to Allah for hearing all my duas despite being this puny(compared to Allah) little girl living in southeast Asia haha.

And I make dua for almost EVERYTHING. When I’m cooking, I make dua that it turns out tasty. When I’m going out, I make dua the day turns out great. When I read something, I make dua Allah gives me the understanding and comprehension necessary. I mean almost EVERYTHING.

And I think that’s why almost everything always turns out as smooth as it has. All praises to Allah. He is truly Merciful. I’m so happy haha.

So, whatever it is that you want more of, make dua for it. Even for your character, make dua Allah makes you a calm, cool and collected person.

After making dua, constantly imagine yourself being that calm, cool and collected person. Since, everything starts in the mind, you have to first see yourself with your mind’s eye the kind of person you want to be. Only then will your body understand and identify with the identity that you’re picturing.

Practice this every day and you’ll soon find it easier to be a calm, cool and collected person insya Allah 🙂

5. Set your values & priorities straight

Be honest with yourself. What are the things that are most important to you? Write them down and rank them in order.

Then, evaluate your life and see if you are currently living based on your values & priorities. If you’re not, make some changes and start focusing only on the things that matter to you.

Losing sight of our values can make us lose confidence in ourselves and lose our focus in being productive every day. The clearer your priorities are, the more you’ll be in control of your actions.

For example, when you value raising well-behaved and well-mannered kids above you letting out your anger and frustrations, you’ll be able to swallow your anger and handle your kids with a much more tactful approach because you know yelling and being angry at them doesn’t help.

When you have all your priorities in life lined up clearly, you’ll understand yourself better and gain more confidence each day because you are clear on your values which leads to better self-control in every situation. 🙂

6. Remember Allah is watching your every move

When you know someone is watching you all the time, how would you act? This is Allah we’re talking about here, the King of all Kings, The Most Powerful and Merciful. Don’t you want to put your act together and show Him how well you’re handling the situation?

This is part of “Taqwa” where you’re consciously aware of the presence of your Creator in every situation. There’s a hadith that says Taqwa is like walking on a road full of thorns, you’re carefully taking each step so as not to prick on the thorns which symbolises sins. So, having Taqwa means going through this journey of life by taking thoughtful actions to not fall into sin.

Another way of remembering Allah is to rely on Him when you feel like losing control of yourself. It’s okay. Everyone loses control sometimes. It’s not about how bad you lose control, it’s about how much you rely on Allah in seemingly times of defeat.

Allah is not judgemental like we human beings are. He is infinitely Merciful and Powerful so lean on to Him in every possible circumstance because he promised that when you seek His help, He’ll always be there.

7. Start journaling

I’ve been journaling on and off but my sister does it full-time and I can see the difference. She’s always more poised, mindful and tactful than my abrupt, spontaneous and unpredictable self. We’re like the opposite in almost everything, whenever I make a spontaneous decision she’ll be the one asking me all the questions to bring back my senses.

Countless studies have shown how journaling provides enormous benefits to one’s physical, emotional and mental health.

One of them said that regular therapeutic writing can help someone find meaning in their life experiences, put things into perspective and see silver linings in bad times. On the health side, it also said that expressive writing can improve immune system functioning when coupled with a healthy lifestyle. (Murray, 2002).

8. Be the master of your emotions

In other words, make your emotions your slave and you the master that controls them. Whatever you’re feeling, you’re allowed to feel them. But how you express it to the world, that’s where you come in as the master.

You get to choose how you show your anger, sadness, worries etc. People who can control their emotions are high in EQ – Emotional Intelligence. They understand what they’re feeling and they know how to navigate the emotions to bring the most benefit in a given situation.

And the best way to handle any pressure is to first be calm, cool and collected. One of the best ways to cultivate emotion-control is to practice being calm, cool and collected every time a stressful situation comes up.

Before we got married, my husband told me he use to practice controlling his anger while driving. Whenever someone cuts into his lane or didn’t give a signal while cornering, he would practice remaining calm because there’s nothing you can do but curse the person essentially.. or maybe report them but yeah you get my point. 😀

So, be the master to your emotions. Life will be easier insya Allah.

9. Slow down, reflect and look at the situation from the future

If you’re standing in the future, what would you want to remember about this moment? How would you want to play this moment back in your memory? Of course, you’d want the best outcome right?

So, what do you have to do to get that result?

Think about what you’re reacting to. What are the meanings that you’re giving to the situation? What would be the best way to handle the situation? What actions would be the most helpful?

You can write them down and clear out your head.

10. Don’t get angry

I think I’m fairly good at not getting angry haha. But on the flip side, I do cry when I get angry. I won’t get angry but I’ll shut down and cry. I guess that’s better than raising my voice.

Here’s a famous hadith about anger.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him):

“Teach me something that is not too much for me so that, perhaps, I may abide by it.” He (S.A.W) said: “Do not get angry.” He repeated that (the request) a number of times, each time he replied: ‘Do not get angry.” – [Tirmidhi]

Why are we forbidden from showing anger? I think it’s because 1) it doesn’t solve anything and 2) it leads to other bad rippling effects such as losing people’s trust, getting emotional, and not being able to rationalize the situation.

Can you imagine what an angry person looks like? Personally, I think they look stupid. If they can’t even control their own anger, how on earth are they going to handle the many stresses in life? I wouldn’t trust an angry person with anything honestly.

So if you have anger issues, make dua Allah cure you because it’s a disease. It will affect all other areas of your life, sometimes without you even knowing it. See if the people around you notice it.

Another reason why anger is so detrimental is that when we’re emotionally out of control, it’s easier for satan to plant the seeds of hate in our hearts. It’s easier to hate the person we’re angry at when we’re in the heat of that anger. As soon as you diminish it, you’ll be able to see that person from a different and somewhat empathetic point of view – which is the ideal way of looking at the situation. 🙂

11. Be a grateful servant of Allah.

What does a grateful servant of Allah look like? Let’s say you’re a grateful child to your parents, how would you treat them?

You’d do things they like. Try your best to please them. Avoid what they dislike etc. It’s the same with Allah right? If you’re a grateful servant of Him, you’d want to do your best to please Him and avoid anything that might result in His wrath.

As simple as that.

In the Quran, Allah said:

Say, “It is He who has produced you and made for you hearing and vision and hearts; little are you grateful.” – [67:23]

There are several verses in the Quran that repeatedly show how ungrateful we are as Allah’s servants.

I guess some of the reasons are 1) as human beings, we are naturally forgetful. Therefore, we forget to be thankful to our Lord by living according to His religion. 2) Some of us have lived our whole lives in unconsciousness or auto pilot-mode without reflecting on our daily ways.

This auto pilot mode really scares the eye balls out of me because – news flash! – we’ve only got one life! If we don’t get this one life right, we can’t turn back when we stand in front of Allah in the akhirah (hereafter).

All our actions now will determine whether we go to hell or haven later. OMG that just gives me the creeps!

But, there’s a disclaimer.

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said:

None amongst you can get into Paradise by virtue of his deeds alone. They said: Allah’s Messenger, not even you? Thereupon he said: Not even I, but that Allah should wrap me in His Grace and Mercy. – [Muslim]

“None of you will enter paradise by his deeds alone.. not even the Prophet, unless Allah grants His mercy”.

So, no matter how many good deeds we do, if Allah is not pleased with us, we will not enter Jannah (heaven). Just make sure you purify all your intentions to sincerely seek Allah’s pleasure, then insya Allah there’s no reason for Allah not to be pleased with you. 🙂

12. Make sure you give your body its basic needs

• Good rest
• Enough sleep
• Good nutrition
• Good hydration

When our body is well taken care of, it will be equipped to help us think clearly and give us the mental and physical strength to consciously live out our lives according to the Quran and sunnah.

Without these basic needs, sometimes it’s easy for us to lose control of ourselves. For example, we can get more stressed when we’re hungry. We get cranky when we don’t get enough sleep. We lose focus on our tasks when we’re not properly hydrated etc.

It is the same with being a calm, cool and collected person. Give your body its due rights and you will find it cooperating with you becoming your best self. insya Allah 🙂

13. Put yourself in the right setting

If you want to be a calm, cool, and collected person, your environment needs to promote that. What’s the color of your room? What’s the ambiance, smell, and furniture theme of your room or house? Does it exude the vibe that you’re looking for?

A calm person would need to be in a calm environment where there are probably neutral or white-colored walls, Scandinavian furniture, and aromatherapy.

It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive per se. It just has to give you that vibe that you’re looking for. It is your house after all. Set it up and make it your sanctuary. You’ll love being in your space more. 🙂

14. Understand that Allah made you perfect just the way you are

You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. You just need to do your best in living out every day doing good things to please Allah until the day you die. That’s it!

Whatever shape or form you are and whatever personality Allah has embedded inside you, work with it girl! You don’t have to listen to anyone who tells you you’re not good enough. Deep down they are insecure themselves. Whoever looks down at you, that’s exactly what they’re doing to themselves.

The kindest people I know are the strongest inside. They have big hearts that accept everyone no matter where they came from. They don’t have small minds that live in hate and whatever else that’s negative.

When you truly embrace and understand how perfectly Allah made you, you’ll not have shame or doubts about who you are. You will have the confidence to choose to be your truest, most authentic and best self to live by.

Write down what that person looks like to you because only you have that gift or intuition that Allah puts in you to know what’s truly best for you. 🙂

15. Make Prophet Muhammad ﷺ your character role model

There are countless stories that show how beautiful the Prophet’s ﷺ character is.

One of them is the story of how Prophet Muhammad saw handled a Bedouin man who urinated inside the masjid. All the Sahabahs around were trying to confront him but the Prophet saw stopped them and asked them not to interrupt him until he’s finished.

After the Bedouin man finished his business, the Prophet came to him kindly and explained how the masjid is supposed to be a purified place for prayer and glorifying God. He then took a bucket of water and splashed it over the urine.

Not a single anger was shown.

Imagine seeing a man peeing inside a masjid! How can you NOT be mad at him?!! Masya Allah. Look how calm, cool and collected the Prophet Muhammad saw handled the situation. No fuss, no hard feelings, everything’s good.

If only we can be like him in every situation in our own lives. What a different world we’ll live in subhanAllah.

Because of the Prophet’s kindness, the Bedouin man-made dua for Allah to pour His blessings to the Prophet ﷺ alone and leave out all the Sahabahs that were trying to stop him from peeing because he was angry at them for interrupting him.

The Prophet ﷺ corrected the Bedouin man and asked him to make the dua for everyone.

That was how merciful and kind the Prophet saw was to his ummah (people). May we all embrace his character and be the best Muslims we can be too insya Allah. Ameen.

16. Give yourself the love and kindness you deserve

Often when we see someone getting angry or being rude, that is how they treat themselves too. Their inner thoughts, the way they talk to themselves inside is the exact way they treat others.

Similarly, if they treat others kindly, that’s how they’re treating themselves. What we portray outside is what we feel inside. It’s just human nature. So if you’re not calm, cool, and collected enough, it means that you’re not being calm, cool, and collected to yourself.

When under pressure, what do you say to yourself? Do you beat yourself up or give yourself love and comforting words? It’s all in the way you treat yourself.

Once you start giving yourself words of kindness and love, you’ll instantly find it easier to treat others the same way.

Try it. I dare ya! haha.

So, I hope this extensive list of 16 ways to be a more calm, cool and collected person is helping you to be the person you are striving to be insya Allah. May Allah give you ease in all your affairs.

Here’s a Hadith on good character:

“The most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.” – [Tirmidhi]

Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.

Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah

(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).