THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Marriage is starting to appear on your radar, Alhamdulillah. The question is – how to find a husband the right and halal way?

Some people resort to matchmaking sites or dating apps. I personally think these are not the best ways to find a good husband.

Although there are successful cases, the chances are very slim. In fact, you are more exposed to the haram rather than getting to your goal of getting married the right way.

But if you do want to try out a legit muslim matrimonial site, I recommend HalfOurDeen.com. The founder is Baba Ali who also found his beloved wife through his famous and effective questioning system.

Why is marriage in decline?

The modern world is pushing us to marry later in life to prioritize other more ‘important’ things such as our education, career, and other personal interests.

But why can’t we pursue all these things while being married to a good spouse? 😉

“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” (An-Nur 24:32)

If your intention is to protect yourself from the haram, please Allah and follow the Sunnah, you will find that marriage actually brings in more barakah (blessings) into one’s life, insyaAllah. 🙂

Ultimately, every single provision or rizq we receive in our lives whether it’s in our career, education or happiness in general is by the decree of Allah.

Pushing marriage to the side without a valid reason can seem like a lack of trust in Allah’s plans and promise to provide for you.

As long as we choose a husband according to the Sunnah and marry the right way, insyaAllah, Allah will place more barakah in your life and you will find that things simply fall into place.

So, don’t be afraid to be open about marriage and let someone come into your life.

How to prepare for marriage?

Of course, we should also be rational and not jump into marriage without proper finances and plannings to build a stable life.

I’m just saying that if you have the means and you’re at an age where marriage is viable for you, don’t push it to the backseat just to prioritize your career or education per se.

Most women don’t realize that this mindset leads them to a day where they will wake up and reach an age that’s may be harder to get married.

So, open your heart to marriage and trust that Allah’s timing is perfect for you, insyaAllah.

Here are some articles that can help you get ready for marriage further.

15 Obvious Signs You Are Not Ready For Marriage & How To Fix It

5 Simple Steps To Getting Married & Living Happily Ever After (InsyaAllah)

10 Outstanding Qualities Of A Good Husband To Consider For Marriage

How to find a husband the right way in Islam?

There are several ways on how to find a husband the right way that is aligned with what Islam teaches us.

So today I’m going to share with you some of those easy ways you can meet more people to find a husband insyaAllah.

What is your intention of marriage?

Before we start, it’s crucial to note that you have to make sure you are truly ready to attract the right partner and that your intention of getting married is to please Allah and build a strong muslim marriage and family.

You are not finding a husband just to run away from your current problems or loneliness.

If you are, you will be getting married with a very limited mindset and you might attract a husband that will not be the best for your future and you will inevitably regret choosing him later down the line.

Please be careful. No matter what problems you face as a single woman, there are many solutions other than marriage. I promise you.

Even if you found yourself the most caring man as your husband, he will have flaws and he will disappoint you if you go into marriage seeking a saviour.

Whatever situation you may be in, turn to Allah SWT first for help before you seek His feeble creatures. I promise He will have the right solution to all your problems insyaAllah.

If indeed marriage is your next step, then Allah will pave the right way for you InsyaAllah.

With that said, let’s dive right in. Bismillah. 🙂

1. Make sincere dua

Duas are amazing. Never underestimate a dua. When I was young, my mum taught me to make dua for a good husband long before I was even looking for one.

She taught me to just ask whatever I want because if Allah thinks it’s good for me, I’ll get it insyaAllah. And if it’s not good, He’ll replace it with something better. 

So with every dua you make, you’ll gain something and never lose anything insyaAllah.

Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said:

The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and says: I supplicated but it was not granted. (Sahih Muslim)

This hadith reminds us to be patient and continue to trust Allah’s timing. Ultimately, He knows best. With our limited minds, we may not be able to see the hikmah or wisdom behind every occurrence. 

Just continue to do your best in pleasing Allah every day. InsyaAllah, one find day He’ll reward you with an amazing spouse insyaAllah. 🙂

Extra tip:

• Create a list of all the traits you want in a husband. Have fun with this! 😉 

Don’t fret too much on the things you dislike, as long as it does not go against the Quran and Sunnah, it’s better to keep an open mind insyaAllah. 

For example, I used to swear that I would never consider marrying a man with a beard. And what do you know? I fell in love with one. So yeah. Don’t get too caught up with the things you don’t like if it doesn’t go against the Quran and Sunnah.

Instead, hone in on the characteristics and traits that you would REALLY love to have in your husband. And make constant duas for it.

That way, it would be easier for you to identify what you’re actually searching for in a husband insyaAllah.

2. Join a club or society you love

There are many clubs that can help you meet more people. Choose something you honestly love because then you would be enjoying yourself and your potential husband will see you in a good light insyaAllah.

It can be a book club, any sports club or better yet a da’wah club (*hint* that’s where I met my husband 🙂 )

Just be yourself, make friends and have fun. But also, always remember your boundaries. The right pious man would be attracted to an equally pious woman insyaAllah. 

Stay cool but at the same time stay alert for the guys you like.

Once you have identified them, casually ask the group of ladies if they know the man you like. Again, remember to do it casually, you don’t want to seem eager or desperate.

Once you’ve gathered a little more detail about him, observe him for the next few weeks. What’s his status – married, single, looking? Does he get along with the group well (his character)? What’s his position in the group (his leadership)?

Does he come here regularly (his interests)? Do you like his demeanor and overall attitude during this whole observation (again, his character)?

When your heart finally settles on him, when you truly feel he is the one Allah chose for you. (It really does feel like that) Get your father or brother to invite him for a proper taa’ruf session.

If your wali/family members are not available, ask one of the ladies with a position there to help you sending your message to him. She might know the right male member of the group to help reach him.

After all this is done, let go and let Allah handle it. From here, a good potential husband would want to ask for your hand in marriage the right way through your parents or mahram. He should not go directly to you sis. 😉

If he is ready and he likes you too, the next step is for him to agree for a proper ta’aruf session and get to know you better for marriage insyaAllah. Take it one step at a time.

You don’t want to rush into it because then you might miss red flags or bad signs that he might not be suitable for you.

Be sure to listen to your parents’ opinions. If your parents are good Muslims and have a good marriage, they will most likely know how to find a husband for you and whether the man is good and suitable for you insyaAllah.

Trust their judgment and try not to be attached to the man to the point that you cannot rationalize reasons why he might not be the one for you after all.

Be relaxed about the whole process and always follow the guidelines from the Quran and Sunnah. If Allah truly wants him as your partner, He will make it easy for you to marry him insyaAllah.

If not, objectively reflect on the situation. Don’t get your emotions tangled up at this point. 

You’re not even married yet. Keep making dua Allah finds you the right husband and trust His judgment. 

3. Ask your dad

If you trust your father, let him choose a good man for you and see if you like him. You don’t have to agree to anything. No one can force you into marrying anyone. 

Islam explicitly teaches us that a woman should have consent in a marriage, if you don’t like your father’s choice for ANY reason whatsoever, you DO NOT have to marry him.

In fact, it’s better if you don’t marry him because then you won’t have to agonize and force yourself to like the guy for the rest of your life.

But then again, if your reasons for not liking the guy seem rather petty and unreasonable – for example, he’s not rich enough, handsome enough or tall enough – and it has nothing to do with his piety, character and ability to provide for you. Then, you might need to rethink your priorities.

Sometimes, the men who seem to lack in certain areas of life have advantages in other areas that you may not be aware of. For example, he may not be the best looking but his words can soothe your angry heart any day. 

Or he may not be good with words but he’s excellent at taking care of the house chores for you.

So, just like any other human being, he will have strengths and weaknesses. The key is to be able to live with his weaknesses and love his strengths instead. 🙂

Ask your heart, does he make you feel safe? Do you feel a sense of ease and security every time you are with him? 

If you don’t, and if there’s even a simmer of hint that he makes you feel anxious for some reason, trust your heart and find someone who WILL make you feel the safest insyaAllah.

That’s my personal criteria when it comes to choosing a husband, he makes you feel safe and at ease. 

If he does make you feel safe all this while, then that may be a good sign he is the right fit for you. You are aware of his weaknesses and you are okay with them.

By any circumstance, if you feel you really can’t tolerate his weaknesses then it’s okay, don’t force yourself. Continue your search. 🙂

Seriously, don’t force yourself into marriage or jump into one when you are emotional, it sets you up for regret. It’s like eating poop without realizing it’s poop! Sorry for the gross analogy, I’m just trying to prove my point.

The detriment is real. Your life after marriage drastically changes for the better or worse depending on your choice of husband. You will be influenced by all his thinking, his beliefs, his decisions, his demeanor and even taking in his breath every day. 

I’m serious this is for real!

If you really can’t stand the man, please don’t marry him. You will be in misery. There are plenty of other fishes in the sea (of guys) insyaAllah. Continue your search and keep making dua!

4. Volunteer for a cause you love

Okay, I’m putting it in the open, this is how I met my husband. At the time, I wanted to learn more about Islam, so I joined a da’wah NGO where they were training new Muslims on the teachings of Islam. 

I’m wasn’t a new Muslim but I needed to refresh and relearn my religion for the most part. A few months into it, I volunteered to teach other reverts there. It was fun. My husband was a member of the group way before I was.

Long story short, a mutual friend introduced us to each other and soon we decided to get married.

The best part about finding a guy who is already a member of an Islamic group is that insyaAllah you can almost guarantee that he’s a practicing Muslim. (Or else why would he be there in the first place right?)

So, if you want to take my advice, find a man who is already a member of an Islamic organization. InsyaAllah, the people around him can vouch that he’s a good practicing Muslim. 🙂

5. Ask your friends and family

Depending on how close you are to your friends and family, you should be comfortable asking for their help in lending you an eye when it comes to finding a good potential husband.

You never know, Allah can introduce you to him in the weirdest ways. 

Sometimes it’s through your mutual acquaintances, maybe even your best friends. The more you know your friends, the better it is because then you can be sure your friends’ choice is somewhat reliable insyaAllah. 🙂

There should be no shame in asking. Honestly, it is Sunnah to get married. As long as you’re sincere, people will understand… or even get excited for you. 🙂

Final word on how to find a husband

So now that you know how to find a husband the right way, you should realize that finding a husband is quite easy if you do it the right way insyaAllah.

We make it seem complicated when we don’t put our trust in Allah SWT and go about it the wrong way.

I personally found my husband just by making consistent duas every day alhamdulillah. One fine day, he just popped in front of me out of nowhere 🙂

So remember to put your trust in Allah first before pursuing the matter on your own. Save yourself the trouble, let Allah handle it for you. 😉

I hope all you single ladies will find your true love insyaAllah. Ameen.

Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.

Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah

(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).