THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Ideally, you’d want your marriage to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Marry the right person and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, not everyone gets this privilege. Some people had to go through terrible divorces before they learn the right way.  

What are the difference between them and those who succeed? What are the secrets that those happy lifelong couples live by?   

Here’s what I found.  

1. Know your personal reason for getting into marriage

This is the moment of truth. You need to be honest with yourself.

Are you getting married because you feel lonely and you want someone to fill your void? Or do you feel like having a husband can help you grow into a better person maybe?

Whatever it is, you need to be clear on this because if you don’t get whatever you’re looking for in your marriage in the future, you will not stay in the marriage for the long-term. So make sure you know what you want and be crystal clear on it.

Marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to live the rest of your life with a special friend that you care deeply about and want to grow old with aka your husband.  

This is the man who will stick by your side when you’re fighting cancer. Nauzubillah.  

This is the man who will be the father to your kids for the rest of their lives.

The man who you will feel blessed waking up to every. single. day.  

The man who you will bicker and tease over mundane stuff for the rest of your life.  

The man you genuinely want to see succeed in dunya and akhirah.   Your best friend to grow old with.  

You have to get it right the first time around.  

Of course, there are no guarantees in life. But as fully capable human beings, we can equip ourselves with the right knowledge and tools in choosing the right spouse for us the first time around. InsyaAllah.  

2. Know the true purpose of marriage in Islam

Marriage in Islam is very simple – To uphold the high status of Islam by increasing the population of Muslim ummah through building healthy and practicing Muslim families.

Can your marriage achieve this? If yes, congratulations! Your marriage is set on a strong Islamic foundation. 🙂

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, ordered us to get married and he strongly prohibited celibacy for us. The Prophet said, “Marry the loving and fertile. Verily, I will have most followers among the prophets on the Day of Resurrection.” – [Ahmad]

Marriage is about 2 completely whole and healthy individuals getting together to achieve goals that are BIGGER than the 2 of them. Ie. kids, healthy family, community contribution etc.  

Having a partner means you have a buddy that will hold you accountable for showing up as your best self every. single. day.  

The 2 of you will be pushing each other up to cross the boundaries of your comfort zone every day.  

Constantly getting out of your comfort zone means pulling you closer to reaching your highest potential in life.   Whether it be in terms of your character, religious beliefs, mindset, career… everything.   

This is why marriage – the Sunnah way – is extremely important in Islam. It is the foundation, the pillar of every healthy Muslim family in our society. 

The Messenger of Allah said: “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.” -[Ibn Majah]

The problem today is many people go into marriage with many personal unresolved baggages that are expected to be solved just by being married.   This is detrimental.  

It is completely unfair to expect your future husband to solve your personal issues which you as a responsible individual should have overcome on your own.  

Your husband is just another human being that has his own goals and dreams to pursue, your presence in his life should be a great enhancer and uplifter to help you and him grow together into much better Muslims.  

3. Get your life in order before you get into marriage

The right person will resonate with the best version of you and you’ll feel it too when you resonate with his best-version.  

When both of you are showing up as your best selves, your truest, most genuine best selves with no baggages, you’ll marry each other for all the RIGHT reasons which is to help each other grow and achieve big things.  

From there, insyaAllah greater things will start coming into your life.  

Here are the 3 Major things you need, to get a healthy Muslim marriage.  

A) A beautiful Character

Let’s face it, no one wants to live with a person you can’t have a great time with. And creating beautiful moments and meaningful experiences together for the rest of your life takes some serious character to pull it off.   Basic Characters you must have

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Loving
• Kind
• Sensible
• Trustworthy
• Positive outlook on life
• Humbleness

B) The right beliefs and attitude towards Islam

Having the right beliefs mean you truly believe that Allah SWT is the One True God and Prophet Muhammad SAW is his final messenger.   Having the right attitude towards Islam means you are constantly upgrading your knowledge in deen and perfecting your Islamic rituals ie. prayers, fasting etc.  

It is completely fine to have just the basics of Islamic knowledge going into marriage, but what’s more important is your attitude towards improving yourself and becoming a better Muslim day by day.  

Allah is not like us human beings, he doesn’t care what level you’re in at any point in your life. All He cares about is the effort that you put in to get closer to Him and in understanding His religion.   That’s the beauty of Islam, everything is just and fair no matter where you start in life 🙂  

B) No Baggages

Baggage means anything NEGATIVE about you.  

Do you have financial debt? Pay it off.  

Do you have grudges against your parents, friends or relatives? Fix it.  

Do you have a disgusting bad habit that is impossible for another human being to tolerate if they were to stay sane and alive living with you? Fix it.  

Do you have an ex-boyfriend that you’re still thinking about day and night? Get rid of him.  

Now, I understand some problems are much harder to solve and some marriages do survive despite all the baggage they bring in.  

But, I have to warn you, with any baggage, the marriage will be HARD.  

There’s no other way around it and Allah is fair. If you bring your baggage into your marriage, you will attract a husband who has the equal amount of baggages if not more.  

Then, before it’s even possible for him to help you fix your baggages, you have to help him fix his which is just a terrible situation to get into.   I recommend the easy route, fix yourself first.   

Make sure you’re CLEAN. Clean of any negative baggages.   

That way you’ll recognise it when an equally CLEAN guy comes along and marry you for the sake of pleasing Allah, and not for you to fix his unresolved issues, which is why most marriages fail anyway.  

CONCLUSION  

Marriage is all about 2 wholesome and healthy, amazing individuals coming together to gather energy and resources to create something much better and bigger in their lives.  

Therefore, getting into marriage with any kind of baggage will deter you from achieving your greater goals.  

Make sure you fix yourself clean before committing to be anyone’s spouse.  So, what are some of the things you’d like to change for the better about yourself before getting into marriage?  

Ps. A sweet dua you can make…