THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

You’ve been waiting your whole life for this moment, and now you’ve finally found him, your dream man.

The man you can see spending your whole life with insyaAllah. He’s right there. You can’t believe he actually exists. Alhamdulillah. What do you do? Just stand there and watch? Hope somehow Allah drags you two together in His miraculous way? 😉

 … Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves… (Ar-Rad 13:11)

Well, let’s be more strategic shall we? Here’s what you can do.

Disclaimer: Never do this with the intention to flirt or seduce him. Just be yourself, show him the real you and be diplomatic about it. A good Muslim man would be attracted to a respectful woman, not someone who tries hard. 

1. Make dua

“Ya Allah, I like this man. If he is truly right for me, please make it easy for us to unite in marriage. Ameen.”

Always remember Allah first in any situation, especially when it comes to heart matters like finding a suitable spouse. 

As fallible human beings, we can sometimes be very short-sighted or blinded by our nafs that we couldn’t reason diligently. As a result, we may end up with someone who is not truly the best for us in deen and dunya. Nauzubillah. 

So, keep relying on Allah every step of the way. Let Allah guide you and protect you from your own whims and fancies. 

Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge… (Al-Jathiyah 45:23)

Read also: 10 UNREALISTIC MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY

2. Show interest

… “My Lord, expand for me my chest [with confidence], and ease for me my task, and untie the knot from my tongue, that they may understand my speech… (Ta Ha 20:25-28)

The next thing you have to do is to actually show interest. If he has a sister or a female companion you can talk to, tell her the truth and ask her for more information about him. Get her help to bring your families together to arrange a proper meet up to get to the next level of Ta’aruf. 

If you don’t know any of his female companions, get your brother, father or any male family member to help you send him the message and make the arrangements.

3. Be confident

When you get to the next stage of Ta’aruf, it is time to get to the nitty-gritty details about each other. Have your list of questions prepared at this point. Here are some major things you need to find out about him.

… And when you see them, their forms please you, and if they speak, you listen to their speech… (Al-Munafiqun 63:4)

Important note: Make sure he first meets the criteria that Islam requires to be a good Muslim husband, ie. has good character, practices the deen wholeheartedly, is good to his parents and family members etc before you question anything else.

• His relationship with Allah: His Salah, how often he reads the Quran, his perception of Allah, prophet Muhammad SAW and level of knowledge in deen etc.
• His current financial state: work, living condition etc.
• His aspirations: What he envisions his life to be 2,5,10 years from now with you as his wife.
• His idea of a healthy marriage: Let him describe the ideal marriage in his mind, his expectations of you as his wife, what he values in a wife.
• His current health state: Is he healthy, does he have any underlying diseases?
• How he feels about his family: How his family shaped him, his father, mother, siblings

You’d want to ask all the questions that are truly important to you so that you feel absolutely satisfied. 

It’s a lot like interviewing a candidate for a job position. You want to know if this man is capable of providing a safe space for you to thrive, guiding you to Jannah, raising your future kids and becoming a part of your family insyaAllah.

Ultimately, he needs to make you feel safe. If you feel deep in your heart that insyaAllah this man is trustworthy and capable, trust that gut instinct and go along with it.

Read also: 10 TELLTALE SIGNS THAT HE WILL MAKE A GOOD HUSBAND (InsyaAllah)

4. Be willing to receive feedback

When you have all the details you need to know about your man, and both your families have met each other in the ta’aruf sessions, ask for feedback from family and friends. Under ideal circumstances, your family would want the best for you. So have an open mind, truly listen to their opinions about the man and reevaluate your perceptions about him. 

Unfortunately, in unhealthy family dynamics, some parents and family members do not have the best intention in mind, so if you don’t trust them, don’t go to them for advice. Instead, find people or couples who have that beautiful marriage that you admire and seek their advice instead. 

But either way, it’s better to get outside feedback from loved ones and people you trust so that you are certain that you are not getting yourself into a marriage that is based on faulty judgment and infatuation per se.

Read also: 6 INSPIRING TRAITS OF KHADIJAH R.A THAT RASULULLAH SAW LOVED MOST

5. Listen to your heart and trust Allah

… And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]… (Al-Imran 3:159)

Maybe you have made your decision, or you are still uncertain but your family and acquaintances love him. Whatever the case may be, ask Allah for help by praying Istikharah. Istikharah is a prayer we can make to ask Allah for ease in making a decision. Give us certainty and direction of heart towards the right choice.

When Allah gives you this sense of direction, trust it and go along with it. Trust that Allah wants what is best for you and He, The Al-Mighty is the Only One who truly knows. 

Read also: 10 SERIOUS RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR WHEN CHOOSING A MUSLIM HUSBAND

Conclusion

… Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship… (Al-Baqarah 2:185)

Sometimes people make marriage arrangements and ta’aruf processes unnecessarily hard, when Islam encourages us to make it easy. Be sure you understand the purpose of marriage, the roles of a husband and wife and the right healthy marriage dynamics from the Quran and Sunnah.

If you follow by these guidelines, insyaAllah, you will choose a good spouse for yourself and your future family. May Allah ease your journey sister, ameen.

Sincerely,

Aimi

Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.

Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah

(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).