بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
They say, ‘Behind every successful man there is an amazing woman’. There is much truth in this.
My perfect wife figure in history is none other than our Mother – Khadijah R.A. When I researched her, it seems as though she loved our Prophet SAW without much reason. She just genuinely loved his character and that led her to propose to him for marriage even though he was younger and not as wealthy as her at the time. SubhanAllah.
So, how do we emulate Khadijah R.A’s sincere love for our Prophet and be the best wives to our husbands as well insyaAllah? 🙂
By the way, these points are what my husband gave me when I asked him. So, you’re getting exclusive insight from the male perspective. 🙂
Enjoy!
1. Pious/righteous
If we look at all the remarkable women in Islam – Fatimah RA, Asiyah RA, Khadijah RA, they all have high levels of iman and taqwa (faith & consciousness of Allah) in their hearts. Their remarkable life stories showed us how their faith in Allah propelled them to take the right actions in the most challenging times.
Asiyah RA, for example, was the wife to the biggest tyrant in history – Pharaoh. When Pharaoh knew of her faith, he punished her to death in the most inhumane ways. Yet she stayed true to Allah and Allah helped her by showing her a glimpse of Paradise.
All these remarkable women in Islam were willing to die for Islam in a heartbeat.
Our challenges today will require us to take the right actions too. Whether we’re a stay at home mum juggling with our kiddos while finishing our tasks or a student racing with the piling deadlines of our assignments, we all have our responsibilities to carry.
The decisions and actions we take in our day-to-day lives will show our level of iman and taqwa. So, check your heart and see where you stand.
2. Loving
Would you like it if your husband were to be the most kind and loving person to you? Of course you would, right? Well, our husbands need the same from us.
Our husbands may be tough on the outside, but on the inside, they need just as much love as everyone else, if not MORE from you. When the world tries to suck the life out of him with financial problems, work problems, family dramas, you – as his wife, should be the safest place for him to regain his sense of peace and love.
A wise and loving wife would instinctively know what her husband needs at any given time. In the beginning of marriage you might still have to get to know each other, but as you live together long enough, you would develop a strong instinct as to how and what your husband needs at any given situation.
Khadijah RA demonstrated this perfectly when she calmed the prophet, in the incident where he received his first revelation. Before Prophet Muhammad SAW became a prophet, he used to go on top of mountains to isolate himself from the tyranny and ignorance of his society.
One day, as he was sitting on top of mount Hira’, angel Jibril came to him and revealed the first ayat from the Quran:
Feeling terrified and shaken, the Prophet SAW ran back to his house and asked Khadijah RA to blanket him. He told Khadijah RA that he may be going insane. But being the wise and loving woman that she was, she said:
So, be loving towards your husband because he is just as vulnerable as you are. He has fears and insecurities that are sometimes very hard to face alone. That is why Allah SWT gave you as a gift to him. For him to regain love and comfort every day. 🙂
3. Smart
Your husband may be smart in certain areas of life, but he still needs you to be smart in all the other areas that he’s not. That is called complementing.
Let’s say you’re good at managing and organizing the house, he’s good at managing businesses and dealing with money. You would need each other’s ‘smartness’ and skills to build a strong healthy marriage and later on build a family together in sha Allah.
In time, both of you will learn from each other and become a more holistically better person. 🙂
In terms of personalities, some couples can have polarizing personalities. One is quiet, the other is talkative. One is spontaneous, the other is more of a planner etc. When you balance each other out with your unique ‘self’, you can be a much more powerful duo.
That’s why people call their spouses ‘my other half’. Not in the sense that you’re incomplete without the person, but because you complement each other so well and bring more to the table with each of your unique individual personalities combined.
4. Good advisor
There is an art to encouraging and influencing others. When you’re someone’s wife or husband, automatically you should be the most influential person in your partner’s life. And your partner’s opinions should mean the most to you above anyone else’s.
Although unfortunately, not all couples experience this, it is still the ideal. 🙂 When your partner becomes the most important influencer in your life, you would want someone who influences and advises you towards bringing out the BEST you on a daily basis.
My husband appreciates it whenever I remind him or advise him on mundane matters when he forgets or is making a decision that will affect the family. After all, he is still human, sometimes he forgets or his lack of knowledge made him choose the wrong choices. We advise and remind each other. 🙂
A husband who does not have ego problems will have no problem taking advice from his wife. My husband is a testimony. Alhamdulillah. I can be wrong and I can be right at times, but either way he never dismisses my opinions.
5. Beautiful
One of the biggest criterias when choosing a wife is her beauty. Since beauty is very subjective, what really matters is you being the most beautiful woman in your husband’s eyes, everyone else doesn’t matter. 😉
When you find a guy who thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, you’ve hit the jackpot. And this doesn’t mean that he thinks you’re beautiful physically per se, but rather everything about you, everything that makes you uniquely you, your personality,
demeanor, thinking… everything. Because there is only one you in this entire universe and he will never get another You in his entire lifetime.
That’s why he cherishes you so much.
6. Funny
Do you like living with someone who can make you laugh for all the silly reasons that sometimes people around you will never understand? You just feel so connected because you share the same humor and you can be vulnerable about showing all your quirky side which is the very reason you’re so funny to him in the first place. 😀
My husband and I laugh with each other all the time. They say: “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” And I think it’s so true. But of course, everything has to be in moderation, even laughter.
Our Prophet SAW said: “Do not laugh a lot, for laughing a lot deadens the heart.” – [Ibn Majah]
So, a wife that is funny to her husband just by being herself can make every day seem fun. You will never feel bored with that person. Your person. 😉
7. Calm – does not easily get angry
This is one of the most famous hadith about anger…
Anger is a very scary thing in a marriage. It can ruin everything you’ve ever worked for in the marriage – trust, love, comfort, peace etc. Once your partner sees your anger, the look on your face, they can never erase that picture from their minds. It’s a permanent picture.
Not to mention, for most of us, we look super ugly when we’re angry haha.
Sure, we will have our ups and downs and it can be very hard to control our anger at times. But how you handle your emotions at that very moment says a lot about you.
Rasulullah SAW said…
Ouch. Does that mean we’re weak if we can’t control our own anger? Yupp you bet.
When you can control yourself, you’ll be able to handle ANYTHING outside of you. Come what may, a hurricane, a tornado of problems, you will not be phased by them because you are grounded in who you are.
May Allah give us spouses that are calm and make us calm wives to our husbands as well. Ameen. 🙂
8. Hot & sexy (at home)
Men really love their women to be beautiful for them. I mean, who else are you going to be pretty for if it’s not for your husband at home, right? So, don’t be afraid to get dressed up, pamper yourself and beautify yourself for your husband.
He will love it. InsyaAllah. 😉
And of course, remember that if your husband is satisfied with you, you will enter Jannah (Paradise) So, it’s totally worth it, girl.
“Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.” – [Tirmidhi]
9. Pampered
My husband likes it when I take care of myself, have my me-time and feel good about myself. He feels empowered knowing that he’s doing a good job at taking care of me. 🙂
Maybe some of you don’t know this yet but all your husband wants for you is to be happy.
When mama is not happy, ain’t nobody else is happy!
Always remember that when you’re happy, he’s happy. Isn’t that simple? So, as the wife, you don’t have to bend over backward to make everyone else happy, make sure you’re happy first and foremost.
It comes in a full circle, when you take good care of yourself, you automatically have more to give others. You’re more receptive to your husband’s kind gestures, you feel more grateful and you’re more in tune with everything around you.
From there, more good things will come your way in sha Allah. 🙂
10. Grateful
Being a grateful wife is a HUGE blessing to your husband. Imagine being a man for a second. If he has an ungrateful wife, no matter what he does and how much he gives, it will never be enough and she will always have something to complain about. I mean, how much headache and heartache can a man take?
It’s hard to be grateful when we want more, I know. But this life is never meant to be fair. Some of us have more and some have less but Allah says…
So, being ungrateful is actually counterproductive, you won’t get more AND you’re miserable at the same time. fiuuuh . What a nightmare.
So, be that grateful wife from now on. Be happy and content with however much or little Allah has given you because that’s the right way for Allah to bring more into your life. No one can judge that, it’s between you and Allah.
And remember, you’re not even entitled to them in the first place. Everything we own is Allah’s, even ourselves, so we don’t have the right to be upset if he doesn’t give us what we want.
That’s the essence of being submissive to Allah, you understand that you belong to Him and that you conduct yourself in a manner that pleases Him the most.
Conclusion
There is nothing wrong with being the flawed perfect wife. We will always have our weaknesses and shortcomings just like our husbands but what we do to constantly improve ourselves is what matters most.
I can testify firsthand because I was very far from the picture of an ideal wife in the beginning of my marriage. As I learned and changed for the better, I started to connect with my husband more and love myself more as a result.
So, never give up on improving yourself because there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
May Allah SWT bless you with a loving and beautiful marriage in sha Allah. Ameen. 🙂
Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.
Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah
(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).
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